My Worst Enemy
by Darres
Summary: A freak accident in Zim’s lab allows Dib and Zim the chance to learn all of each other’s secrets. Will the two enemies take advantage of this opportunity or will they scream in horror due to the circumstances? More importantly, will Gir ever get tacos?
1. The Latest Plan

"It is FINISHED!" Zim proclaimed triumphantly, holding up a tool in a victorious pose. He seemed oblivious to the mess he had made of his lab in the process of finishing his project.

"YAAAAYYYY!" Gir yelled excitedly, dancing around the machine Zim had just finished.

"This, Gir, is a device that will help me with my experimentation on the _filthy _humans. It is a brain transferring device that can switch the brains of whatever is inside of it. I have-," Zim was interrupted by his assistant.

"But I thought you could already do that like with Squid Man?" Gir pointed out.

"Yes, yes," Zim waved a hand, "but that takes several hours. THIS is instant! It is _genius_! IT'SGENIUS!" he finished loudly as he put a hand against the machine's side.

The exterior of the machine was purple and blue with a red coloured control panel towards the front. It was a tall device, large enough to fit two full grown humans if necessary. Zim, of course, had other plans for it at the moment.

"And my first victim," Zim narrowed his eyes and gave a quiet little evil chuckle, "will be …YOU, DIB-STINK!" he pointed dramatically at the boy who was tied up nearby with simple ropes and his mouth taped shut.

"You should feel _honored_, dirty Earth monkey, that you will get to be the first test subject to ZIM'S mighty creation. I think I'll switch your brain with, oh I don't know, that chicken," Zim pointed to a confused looking chicken that was in an alien stasis tube with green fluid.

Dib looked horrified.

"MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAA!" Zim laughed manically at Dib's expression, loving every second of it. He continued laughing for a long time until Dib just looked bored.

"Foolish, _Hu-man_! Did you really think you could defeat ME! No one can defeat me, for I am ZIM!" the alien proclaimed loudly, "Do you finally SEE the superiority that separates me from your… inferiority?" he finished, unable to find another word to describe what he wanted to say.

"MmmMmmphmmf!" was Dib's response from behind the tape.

"What?" Zim asked, blinking at him.

"IMM! Mmmphffffmmnumphf!" Dib replied putting more effort into it but still unintelligible.

"What was that?" Zim asked.

"Iimm oueurphf," Dib said more quietly, glaring at his enemy who was standing in front of him, looking at him curiously with his large red eyes.

"You seem more…. Stupid than before, Dib-worm," Zim noted, "Perhaps it is my GREATNESS that has broken your mind!"

"MMMMM!" Dib protested.

"Oh, wait a minute," Zim said, coming up with an idea. He ripped the tape off of the human's mouth with no compassion whatsoever.

"OOOOW! That _really_ hurt!" Dib exclaimed.

"O-Of course!" Zim said uncertainly at first but finished confidently, "I meant it to!"

"You'll never get away with this Zim! You can't just go around turning people into chickens!" Dib told him.

"Oh, I _will_ get away with it. I am getting away with it right now. Soon you will be nothing more than a _chicken_. And who will stop me then, _Dib, _WHO?" Zim asked, spitting out Dib's name venomously as he always did.

"Well, nobody, I guess- Wait, NO! Someone will surely stop you! Someone like…. ME!" Dib grinned maliciously at the alien as he narrowed his eyes. Zim had a split second to look shocked and confused before Dib shed his bindings and tackled him to the floor.


	2. Don't Touch That!

_The first chapter was a little short but this one is longer! This fic will be a few chapters long. Anyway, hope you like it! Please review!_

_**30 minutes earlier**_

"Those stupid robo-parents! They can't do anything right!" Zim growled, irritated when the computer had told him that something horrible was happening at the front door. He put his contact lenses in and adjusted his wig.

"Gir!" Zim barked, "I'm going upstairs to fix things. Stay here and watch the human. Make sure he doesn't escape."

"Yes, my master!" Gir saluted as his eyes went red into duty-mode.

"Hahahaha!" Dib cried, "Whoever is at the door will stop you!"

"I don't think so," Zim said to his captive.

Zim took a moment to glare at Dib before heading upstairs. The little robot's eyes turned cyan again before he pulled a stuffed pig out of his head and started playing with it.

"I like tacos!" Gir exclaimed to no one in particular as he played with the little piggy. Dib watched him for a moment.

"Hey. Zim's crazy little robot. Gir, was it?" Dib said to the SIR unit.

Gir looked up from his pig to Dib, "That's MEEEE!"

"Uh, yeah," Dib said uncertainly, "Do you think you could loosen these ropes for me?"

"You cannot escape, human!" Gir jumped up going into duty-mode as an arsenal of weapons sprouted from his head, all aimed at Dib.

Dib looked nervous for a moment before adding, "I'll buy you some tacos."

"Yaaaaay! I love tacos!" Gir cheered, the weapons retracting. He walked behind Dib and started loosening the ropes some while his tongue cutely stuck out of the side of his mouth.

"Big-headed boy's gonna buy me some tacoooooos!" Gir said happily as he worked.

"My head's not big!" Dib argued.

"Yes, it iiiiiiis!" Gir argued.

"No, it's not!"

"Uuuuuhhh-huhhhh!" Gir told him, smiling.

"Whatever," Dib said lowly, looking annoyed. At least the robot was loosening up the ropes so he would have a chance to escape.

Gir loosened the ropes some and then suddenly declared, "It's time for the Scary Monkey show!"

Gir ran over to a monitor and turned on the show, promptly sitting down, mesmerized. Dib looked disturbed by the show.

"I love this show," Gir said contently. Five minutes into the program, Zim returned.

"GIR! Turn that off!" Zim ordered, removing his disguise as he walked towards Dib and his assistant.

"Aww, man," the SIR unit looked terribly disappointed as he turned off the monitor.

"ZIM!" Dib exclaimed, "You'll never get away with this! Your ideas are always stupid! I don't know what you're planning but-."

"SHUT your noise-tube, _human_," Zim said, annoyed as he pulled out some masking tape and ripped a large piece off, "I'm tired of hearing all of that whining coming from your massively oversized head."

"MY HEAD'S NOT- MMmpmph," Dib got out before Zim placed the piece of tape over Dib's mouth. Silent now, he glared at the alien.

"There!" Zim grinned, clearly impressed with his own brilliant idea of how to shut the Dib up.

"Now, where was I? Oh yes, my _amazing_ machine. Gir! Get me the spelrechity!" Zim said as he kneeled down to work on the large machine. Gir handed him a tool, presumably the spelrechity, and with that, Zim went back to his important work.

_**Back to the present**_

The ropes holding Dib slid to the floor and the boy lunged for the alien causing them both to fall to the floor.

"I'll get you this time, Zim!" Dib said while he had the upper hand, one of his hands on Zim's throat while the other yanked at an antenna.

"Oh, no… you…. Won't!" Zim choked out as he tried to remove the boy's grip. He reached up grabbing a chunk of Dib's hair and yanking as hard as he could.

"Aaaaaaahhh!" Dib yelled, his grip easing up some. Zim used this to his advantage and forced the human off of him and onto his back. The alien started to laugh momentarily, now that he was winning.

"Oh yes… I… will!" Dib glared at him, kicking his leg hard. The two fought viciously as they tossed and rolled on the floor. Gir watched for a few seconds before getting distracted by his stuffed pig again.

"Stop it!"

"HEY!"

"Oww, quit it!"  
"YOU quit it!"

Several minutes later, Dib had regained control of the fight yet again. He shoved Zim against the machine he had been laboring on for so many hours. Zim felt the back of his PAK slam against the metal. The human advanced on him, his hand curled into a fist.

"This is it, space boy!" Dib announced as Zim tired to regain his balance.

"I don't think so," Zim said coolly with narrowed eyes. Dib rushed him, swinging his fist but Zim dodged. The alien grabbed Dib and threw him into the machine. Zim followed, his spider limbs emerging from his PAK. He was going to put an end to this and show the Dib how pathetic he truly is, "I'd like to say it's been fun, _Dib_, but oh wait, it hasn't."

Dib looked up in fear at the Irken looming over him. He was actually afraid that Zim might kill him this time. He opened his mouth to protest when he heard Zim's robot speak up.

"Does this thing make any of them waffles?" Gir asked loudly as he started pushing random buttons on the machine's control panel.

"GIR! STOP IT! DON'T TOUCH THAT!" Zim yelled at Gir, reaching out for him with one of his spider limbs.

Suddenly, there was a blinding flash of light that forced Dib to close his eyes and shield them with one arm. When he reopened them, he found himself hovering over his body and even more creepy, his body was watching him. Suddenly, he unexpectedly fell to the floor with a loud thud.

"Ow," he said in a voice that was not his own.

Zim opened his eyes and looking upward he saw himself looking down at him confused. A second later, he saw the spider legs on the other's back retract into the PAK and the body fall to the floor.

Dib slowly pulled himself up off the floor, noting his gloved hands. He looked over at himself who was still staring at him. The two simultaneously raised a hand pointing at the other one and screamed loudly- loud enough for the entire neighborhood- no the city- the whole WORLD- to hear.

_**Somewhere nearby in space**_

"Hey, Edsum, did you hear somethin'?" the Plecetion turned to his lone traveling companion.

"Like what?" Edsum replied, looking bored.

"I dunno. Sounded like someone screaming," the Plecetion said.

"Nope," Edsum said.

"Ah, well," the Plecetion shrugged, looking back to the starry scenery.


	3. Doing stuff

_Thanks to my reviewers for your comments on my story! I'm glad that people are enjoying it. Without further delay, here is chapter 3! _

_**Back at Zim's base**_

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Dib and Zim screamed together.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Gir joined in. The alien and human stopped and looked at the SIR unit who just cutely grinned at them in response.

"You're me! And I'm you! But I'm still me and!" the alien stressed.

"Stupid, Dib-worm!" the human snarled at him and then stood up, "The machine has switched our brains. This is a _horrible_ mistake! I can't be a filthy human! I am ZIM!"

"I'm an alien!" Dib said, sounding panicked and then added more excitedly, "Wait a minute, I'm an ALIEN! This is so cool!" He reached up feeling on an antenna with his fingers.

"Stay right there," Zim snapped at him and then moved over to the control panel pressing some buttons, "I'm going to fix this and then I will _destroy_ you."

"Heeeeey, where are my tacos? You promised me tacoooooos! I need them! I need them or I will explode!" Gir whined, grabbing onto Zim's black coat.

"GIR! Get off of me! You horrible little robot! This is all your fault! I will punish you later!" Zim yelled at him, shoving the robot off of him. Gir let go of the coat and sat on the floor, crying loudly at the lack of tacos in his life.

Despite Zim's efforts, the machine refused to cooperate, making multiple error sounds in response.

"What is _wrong_ with this thing? Why won't it work?" Zim demanded to no one in particular. He entered in a few more sequences but was still denied. In frustration, he kicked the machine and banged on the control panel.

"Umm, I don't think that's helping," Dib pointed out as he watched Zim break the machine further.

"Shut-up!" Zim demanded and then shouted, "COMPUTER! Analyze the brain transferring device and tell me what is wrong with it!"

"Command voice not recognized," the computer replied after a few buzzes and clicks.

"WHAT? You dare defy ZIM?" Zim yelled up towards the ceiling.

"Hey, what's this do?" Dib said, having moved over to look at a panel while Zim was preoccupied. Dib reached out to touch it with one gloved hand.

"Don'ttouchthat!" Zim said hurriedly and then added, "Don't touch anything, Dib-monkey!"

"What about this button?" Dib asked, reaching out for a large red button. Zim gasped and ran over to Dib.

"STOP THAT!" Zim ordered as he grabbed Dib's arm to prevent him from pushing the button, "This is MY base and you are MY prisoner! You aren't allowed to touch anything!"

"Oh, reeeeeally?" Dib replied, a sly smirk crossing his face.

"Yes," Zim said lowly, narrowing his eyes at his enemy.

"Computer! Seize the human!" Dib ordered loudly. Zim was horrified as his own computer produced cords from the ceiling and restrained him.

"How DARE you, treasonous Computer! I am ZIIIIMMMM!" Zim proclaimed as he struggled with his bindings, "GIR, GIR! GIR, help ME!"

Gir looked up at Zim sadly saying, "Awww, the big-headed boy's upset."

"His head's not big!" Dib defended himself. Gir stared at Dib for a moment before breaking into a dance.

"Look at me, I'm dancin'!" Gir exclaimed.

"Whatever," Dib said, looking slightly annoyed before returning his attention to Zim, "Alright, _Zim_, this is revenge for all of the times you've kicked me out! I told you one day I'd find a flaw in your security system and now that I have I'm going to be here in your base… doing _stuff_." Dib laughed manically at his enemy.

"What? NOOO! Not stuff! Not in my base!" Zim wailed pitifully and then added calmly, "Besides you didn't really find a flaw, this was just a freak accident."

"Who cares?" Dib exclaimed, exasperated. "Computer, take the human upstairs."

The computer complied, carrying Zim upstairs despite his many protests. Dib followed with Gir in tow.

"Let me GOOOO! You stupid, stupid Computer! I am ZIIIMMM! OBEY YOUR MASTEEEERRRR!" Zim struggled to get free.

"I'm gonna go through all your stuff and get actual proof that you ARE an alien!" Dib smirked at Zim.

"NOOOOO! Not my stuff! Don't touch my stuff!" Zim argued.

"Throw him out, Computer!" Dib ordered. Zim screamed once the door was open. Naturally, it would be raining outside today of all days.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Not the rain, the _horrible_ rain!" Zim shouted as the computer threw him out of the house. Zim hit the pavement and immediately began thrashing around on the ground. Dib stared at him like he was a moron.

"IT BURNS! WHY DOES IT BURN! OH THE-," Zim shouted and then stopped, suddenly sitting up, "Wait a minute, it _doesn't_ burn. Haha. Hahahahahaha! Victory for ZIM!" he proclaimed, standing up.

"No, Zim! No victory for you! Victory is mine!" Dib reminded him and laughed as he slammed the door shut.

"Ggggraaah!" Zim growled storming over to the house, beating on the front door with its men's room sign, "Let me in, DIB! It's MY base! MIIIINNNEE! DO NOT INVOKE THE WRATH OF THE IRKEN EMPIRE!"

Zim's protests were met only by silence. The woman next door opened the window to see what the racket outside was. Zim looked up at her nervously and then back at the house.

"Oh, please let me back in so we can play like normal worm babies," Zim said in a fake tone, "Because we are. Normal. Let me in!" he pleaded, but to no avail. The house remained silent.

"CURSE YOU, DIB! CURSE YOUUUUUU!" Zim screamed loud enough for the entire neighborhood to hear.


End file.
